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Positive attitude? Absolutely. Only positive? No thanks.
It's not just at Christmas that we want everything to be light and atmospheric. That the light predominates. That's human. Who wants to feel fear, frustration or pain? And yet: If we consistently ignore unpleasant feelings, things become difficult.
Because life knows both: light and shadow. Shine and dark. Joy and pain
Even at Christmas. Optimism is healthy. And pleasant! But real optimism doesn't mean ignoring the unpleasant - it means remaining confident regardless. It means recognizing that there is both: what hurts today and the realistic hope for a good tomorrow. Positivity and hope exist alongside the negative - not instead of it.
Imagine you've had a really difficult year. Maybe there was a loss in the family. Maybe an illness, a separation, professional crises - or all of the above. A year full of strokes of fate that left deep marks.
Now you're sitting in an Advent coffee shop and someone says in a good mood: "Oh come on, now it's Christmas! Leave the old things behind you! Look ahead, there are so many beautiful things!"
And you? You feel misunderstood. Not noticed. Not taken seriously. Because your sadness, your exhaustion, your fear - they are real. And they are there. Even now. Even this Christmas season.
The well-intentioned call to “think positive” paints the reality of your life with a layer of holiday gloss that feels incongruous and lonely.
This "Good Vibes Only" mentality is particularly glaring - and particularly painful - at Christmas.
Not because the positive isn't also true. But because positivity is harmful when it denies the present.
Why compulsive positivity is difficult, especially at Christmas time
It prevents us from healthy processing of what stresses us. Grief, frustration, worries or helplessness - they want to be felt. If we ignore them, they get stuck.
It gets in the way of real connection. Where there is no room for honest feelings, closeness cannot arise.
It makes you lonely. Especially at a festival that thrives on community.
In order to be “always positive,” we would have to gloss over our own reality or deny others the right to be sad or angry. That's not healthy. Not human. Not Christmassy.
What is helpful instead - Being there. Really there.
Without tips. Without “It’ll be okay!”. Without glitter.
Just be with others - with what is now. Because this creates space for warmth, comfort and closeness. And later: for real optimism.
This ability to look lovingly and clearly into the reality of one's own life is called acceptance. Feelings - frustration, disappointment, sadness - want to be accepted. They are like waves: they come, peak and go again. No wave lasts forever as long as we let it flow.
Optimism? Yes.
Emotional honesty? Also - right now.
Maybe this Christmas we can give ourselves something that cannot be bought: more authenticity. More courage to admit unpleasant feelings. More humanity.
That's not always easy.
But it's worth it.
Because those who acknowledge the now can truly heal, grow, act resiliently - and then, when the wave has subsided, be open again to the hope that the new year undoubtedly brings with it.
And perhaps, in the midst of the candlelight and the challenges this year has brought, we can remember:
That light is not only valuable when everything is bright - but especially when it was dark.
That hope doesn't have to be loud - sometimes a small spark is enough to show that things continue.
That connection arises when we really meet each other - with everything that is there.
And that Christmas doesn't demand that we shine - but that we be allowed to feel what supports us.
May this Advent season give you moments that make you warm. May it give to people who see you, even when you feel quiet. And may the new year open paths that are light, friendly, bright - at your pace, in your way.
Merry Christmas!